well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
