another moral hangover. fuck.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just invented taco cereal.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
