I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
