I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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