my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
