just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
