I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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