Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
