Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Boobs speak an international language.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
