I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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