So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
