I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
