Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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