Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
