hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
