Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
please come you make the beer taste better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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