He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
