the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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