he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
