Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
