Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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