our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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