Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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