The maid of honor just puked.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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