I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
