apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
