I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
