this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
