did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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