I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
