i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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