you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize