i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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