Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
