No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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