Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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