you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
