Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
