Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
