Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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