??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
