now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
