nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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