Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
