Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
