My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
