cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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