he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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