She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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