We're facebook friends in real life
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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