I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
