it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
false alarm, still single
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
