I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
