You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
