I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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