well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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