we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I looked at my own cervix.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
