i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
