It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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