Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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