Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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