there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
