best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
