Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
