Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
